It was 1746 and in the land of Surbiton a dark cloud came rising from the earth, and into that cloud was born, from a three legged unicycle rider and a reheated chicken, Sinbad: Scourge of the undergarments and herald of the twenty sided dice.
He grew up in the heart of America, running from the Yankees who wanted to use his prominent head of hair as a kabutz and eventually fled to the UK, cadging a lift off of a passing flying Turk's slipper. It was in this slipper that he learnt the art of djing and developed the pose of the hook-nosed one - you know, the one where the cheeks get sucked in a little. He also chose the name Sinbad. Mighty in his baggy pants and curled up shoes. Triumphant in his waving a sword about thingy... and decadent in always getting the chicken he wants, but never the woman.
And so Sinbad strode through the fields of North London and formed the greatest tribute band in the world, Voices of Chicken Tikka Masala, and took on the duties of front poseur man and wore tighter trousers than you can possibly, ever, imagine. He travelled the world, from Chicago to Vilnius and Brisbane to Helsinki, where people marvelled at the tighness of his PVC and counted his change in his pockets, before the mighty Sinbad tired of such dealings and devoted a small portion of his life to playing the GREATEST GOTH MUSIC IN THE WORLD... for himself, and as his ego was larger than the average megalomanic's, he ruled that he must play this music IN THE GREATEST FESTIVAL IN THE WORLD! AltFest... home of the decadent and depraved.
And so it was written and so it was done, that after Bound for Paradise, Alternity, Kryptorium, Dr Fells, Blood and Velvet, Slimelight, Vagabonds and Antichrist would be AltFest. The greatest festival in the world and the natural home for the mighty Sinbad! Ruler of the seas and wielder of the Mighty White PVC's!!!